Business Lady

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Admittedly, I don’t feel quite as guilty as I used to.  My daughter is almost 5 now.  But when she was younger, I felt guilty everyday I went to work. That little girl is pure joy to be around and I hated the fact that I missed so many moments in her day -  (both of my kids are amazing, but I was a stay at home mom for the first 3 years of my sons life, so I was present for EVERYTHING),  But now, at 4 1/2, I see a strong, independent little girl who can occupy herself calmly while I answer a few emails from home, who goes confidently into her school - no clinging or crying, who loves that her mama is a boss, who loves “doing work” - she walks around the house with her notepad all day “taking notes.” Maybe this was just always going to be her personality, but I do believe that a lot of who we are is made in the fire.  Yesterday, my daughter wanted to dress like me, so she asked to wear a business lady shirt, lots of jewelry, and make-up.  She totally gets me! Lol. But seriously, she really loves the fact that I work. Both of my kids do. They ask a lot of questions about my meetings, my employees.  They're curious and proud, which has helped take a lot of sting out of the guilt. 

What I do regret the most is the mental absence.  Bringing home work stress, and not being fully mentally and emotional you present at home.  I was in the beginning stages of building a company, so of course it was just part of life.  Now, 5 years later we’ve put in the work so that I can take time off, spend my evenings at home without receiving 10 phone calls and a flurry of emails to respond to.  What I’ve learned is that a work life balance, as a mom is hard, and damn near impossible to achieve.  It's a noble goal, but we need to understand that it will take a TON of work to get to that goal.  So, all we can do is bring our best selves everyday - and be okay with the fact that some days our best self is actually only 10% of our potential. Be okay with the fact that we can’t be all things to all people everyday.  Some days, hell yes! But Not every damn day.  I’ve learned to accept the fact that even though my kids don’t get all of me all the time, they still get me and we’re all building our own resilience, our own stories. And that’s just fine.  

Crystal Ahmadi